A – Z of Interpersonal Skills

We are all born with a personality somewhere on the spectrum between passive and aggressive – you probably know where on the spectrum you are – if you’re not sure, ask your nearest and dearest!

"I always prefer to believe the best of everybody, it saves so much trouble."  Rudyard Kipling

I’m writing this blog in Washington Dulles airport while I’m waiting for my flight home and I’m watching people (including myself!) ‘connecting’ to their world via electronic devices and it makes me wonder if we’re failing to connect with real people as much as we could and should.

Dealing with difficult people is the ultimate test of our interpersonal skills - it's easy to be nice to those who are nice to us and when everything is going well, but it's harder to keep our cool with those who rub us up the wrong way and when everything is going wrong.

How much do our expectations affect the way we relate to people? Maybe more than we think.

Maybe you're working with colleagues most of the time, or maybe you're out and about seeing clients or meeting with people from other organisations. If you work on your own, you probably meet up with people at networking events or even online.

I'm writing this as Christmas approaches at breakneck speed and we are bombarded with suggestions for spending our money faster than it comes into our bank accounts. Most of us want to be generous to our friends and family at this time of year and are very conscious that it is the season of giving.

Have you ever heard the old saying, 'knowledge is power'? According to Wikipedia, it is commonly attributed to Sir Francis Bacon. The expression "ipsa scientia potestas est" ('knowledge itself is power') occurs in Bacon's Meditationes Sacrae (1597)."

Do you think of yourself as a good judge of character? Research tells us that we make decisions about people within seconds of meeting them and that it's hard to go back on our first impressions. That's pretty scary. Especially if we're on the receiving end!

We're hearing more about the importance of 'well-being' and the prevalence of poor mental health in our society. The fast-paced, always available world we live in can leave us susceptible to stress and feeling out of control of our lives.

If you're anything like me, you've had those conversations with someone where you've walked away and then realised that you haven't listened to, or picked up on, what that person was really trying to convey.

Manners are all about how we treat other people - the essence of interpersonal skills - the basis of good relationships. Treating other people the way we would like to be treated will always be in style.

To what extent are we judged by our nonverbal communication? Or, put another way, do we judge other people by their facial expressions, appearance or body language?

Openness is the mantra of some very prestigious organisations - Facebook, for one - but what does it mean when it comes to relating to other people?

'...a large and growing body of research on positive organizational psychology demonstrates that not only is a cut-throat environment harmful to productivity over time, but that a positive environment will lead to dramatic benefits for employers, employees, and the bottom line.'

Now I don’t want to disappoint you – this article is not going to answer the age-old question of ‘which came first, the chicken or the egg?’, or even, ‘is there life on Mars?’ 

Although some people seem to be able to connect with others without any effort at all, it is a skill we can all develop and it’s a really important one because when we've built a rapport with someone it is easier to work with them and relate to them.

According to Daniel Goleman, the Emotional Intelligence (EI) guru, Self-Awareness consists of three competencies:

Has your nearest and dearest ever claimed they didn't know why you were upset with them:  "What did I say....?", "Well it wasn't WHAT you said, but the way that you said it ..."  sound familiar?

If everyone is moving forward together, then success takes care of itself.

'Wise men speak because they have something to say; Fools because they have to say something.'     

We're hearing a lot about productivity at the moment - or rather, the lack of it. Keeping up with technological advances is certainly part of the answer, but I can't help thinking that not everyone is making the most of their working hours and some people might even be knowingly wasting them - not you, of course!



So, having the X Factor doesn't necessarily mean that you'll end up singing in front of Simon Cowell - though, don't let me stop you from trying - but I think we all have, and can develop, something unique that adds value wherever  we are and whoever we're with.



Now this is a tricky one. Is yielding to others a good thing or a bad thing? Well, it depends. 

Do you take yourself too seriously? I know I do sometimes. Then again, sometimes I don't feel like acting my age either ...